shouldn't life come with a script?

Hey All!

I'm not yet a blogger pro - for some reason, I feel like every post has to be some long, detailed account of notable happenings, but I'm going to try and post more frequent, shorter posts and see how that goes :)

Anyways, life over here has been kind of hard as of late. I've hit the three month marker and am really missing little things about home. I miss the mountains, clean fresh air, New Mexican food, being able to drive, my buddies, and just feeling comfortable. I think the getting up at 6:00 A.M. and not getting home until 6:00 P.M. each day is starting to take a toll. It's a far cry from my lax college schedule of rising leisurely at 9:30 or 10:00 to catch my 11:00 class, and returning home no later than 3:00 - oh the joys of being an undergrad. I guess those days are over! As far as teaching goes, I've had some awesome breakthrough moments with some of my classes, where I feel like my students are getting the subject matter and are really enjoying it, but I've also had several moments of just wanting to rip my hair out and catch a plane back to the States. Although, the funny thing is, I have NO IDEA what I would do if I were back in the States, which has been the root of some additional stress lately. What am I going to do with my life?? If I'm truly honest with myself (and you) one of the reasons I'm over here is because I thought that living abroad would offer me some sort of new perspective and would stir within me some sort of new passion, which would lead to some epiphany concerning the career path I should take. Well, I'm sorry to report that no such epiphany has been had - in fact, I find myself just trying to get through each day without going crazy from telling my kindergarteners to stop trying to stick their hands up my skirt, or to stop wrestling with each other in class.

Whew! Deep breath...I guess I'm getting a little dramatic, but really, I'm in a bit of a rough patch. In a recent conversation with my dad, I realized that I don't really have any passions right now. Growing up, I always had my plate full with things like soccer practice, choir practice, church activities, and school. Then in college, I gave the majority of my extra time to my sorority, which kept me more than a little occupied, but now, I feel, dare I say - directionless. I've always been told that many people in their early twenties feel this way: uncertain about the future, a bit lost, and alone, but I guess I didn't anticipate these feelings to be present during my year abroad.

I know I've turned this post into somewhat of a pity fest, but I do have a tinge of productive and interesting news to share with you. In a motion to find something, anything to be passionate about, I visited a refugee center last Saturday morning. Since I've been so introspective and pretty much self-centered lately, my mom encouraged me to get out there and pour my time and energy into others' lives. I showed up with a few friends and jumped right in wherever help was needed. I ended up working with several adult refugees from Sri Lanka. We did an activity to help them broaden their everyday English vocabulary, and as I was using ridiculous amounts of hand motions in a charade-like manner and stuttering through my sub-par explanations of vocab words like airport terminal, customs, profit and source, I realized how very hard life for a refugee must be. Seeing their determination to grasp words and concepts in a very difficult second language in order to ease their daily struggles, really showed me the pettiness of my daily complaints and discomforts. I don't yet know the stories behind the people I met last Saturday. I don't know why they had to flee from their homelands, nor am I capable of even imagining the frustration and uncertainty a refugee must face each day, and because I don't yet know these things, I can't wait to go back. I hope to build relationships with some of the people I met last weekend, and I hope to be an encouragement to them. I suspect they will have much to teach me as well. Maybe a passion for people has been lying dormant....time will tell.